Star Trek: The Motion Picture The Exciting Cut

Although I enjoy Star Trek: The Motion Picture I have to admit it’s slower than death. I re-edited the movie and trimmed the excess bloat making it much more streamlined and exciting. So without further ado here is my Exciting Cut.

The Best and Worst Movie and TV Cars (ATV’s and Motorcycles Too)

Writing my review of Mad Max got me thinking about movie and TV cars and that of course led me to write up a list of my favorite and least favorite fantastical road and off road vehicles of all time. So here is that list. These are ordered by the release date of the movie or TV show.

The best:

66 Batmobile

The Batmobile created by George Barris in 1965 for the super campy 1966 to 1968 TV series. Awesome car despite the fact it would probably suck to drive in the rain.

Death Race 2000 II

The Gator Car or The Monster from the 1975 cult movie Death Race 2000. Cheesy as hell but I love the look.

The Car

The big bad-ass killer car from the 1977 movie The Car. Not a terrific movie but I just love the mean look of this beast. Also built by George Barris.

Landmaster

The 10 ton + Landmaster built by Jefferies Automotive for the 1977 movie Damnation Alley. It’s big, it’s ugly, and it’s awesome.

Corvette Summer

Made for the 1978 movie Corvette Summer this is a Corvette Stingray with modified bodywork, custom paint job, and with right hand steering.  I realize this is not from one of my favorite genres but I just love this car!

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The beaten Pursuit Special from 1982’s Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior. I love how it looked in the original movie but the extra juice tanks on the back and the battered look just add to the character.

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The Spinner from the 1982 masterpiece Blade Runner. A very cool flying car, not quite as nice as The Jetson’s flying cars but pretty close.

89 Batmobile

The super cool Batmobile from Tim Burton’s visually amazing 1989 Batman. Looks great, too bad it could only go 35 MPH.

The worst:

Paris

The spiny VW Bug from the 1974 movie The Cars That Ate Paris. Terrible movie and silly car.

The butt ugly solar car from the 1977 Logan's Run TV series. I loved this thing when I was a kid. Now not so much.

The butt ugly solar car from the 1977 Logan’s Run TV series. I loved this thing when I was a kid, not so much now.

Galactica 1980

The goofy flying motorcycles from the horrendous TV series Galactica 1980.

Megaforce

1982’s Megaforce featured every possible variation of badly designed vehicle whether it was a dune buggy, motorcycle, etc. Nothing scares a villain like permed rejects from Dance Fever wearing gold spandex and driving fruity weapons of mass destruction.

Black Moon Rising

The prototype super car from the 1986 movie Black Moon Rising. Looks like it got ironed. The title is the best part of the movie.

The Wraith

The unimpressive car from the terrible but very entertaining 1986 move The Wraith (or Wraith The). Stupid fun movie but the car never did anything for me…

...this may have had something to do with the fact Sherilyn Fenn was in the movie and the car was pushed out of my mind.

…this may have something to do with the fact Sherilyn Fenn was in the movie and the car was pushed out of my mind for some strange reason.

BF Batmobile

The tacky, cheesy, tasteless, and utterly stupid pimped out Batmobile from the sometimes entertaining 1995 movie Batman Forever. This thing makes my stomach churn.

Nemo Car

Last but not least is Captain Nemo’s gaudy car from 2003’s The League of Somewhat Above Average Gentlemen. Not too ostentatious at all.

Movie Review – Mad Max

1979 Kennedy Miller Productions

Three Stars

Mad Max

The maximum force of the future? What the heck is that supposed to mean exactly? Damn silly if you ask me.

Before Mel Gibson’s career faded and his outlook dimmed he had built an impressive catalog of movies. Mad Max is the movie that launched his career all those years ago before he turned into a loon. Made on a shoestring budget in Australia Mad Max took advantage of the crazy car culture and long stretches of empty road in that country and cashed in big time.

Mad Max is set in a dystopian future where civilization appears to be breaking down and law and order are on the verge of collapsing all together. Mad Mel portrays Max Rockatansky, the best driver in his police force the MFP or Maximum Fluoride Protection. Their job is to stamp out tooth decay and gingivitis. Well not really they actually are battling roads gangs and guys who shave off half of the eyebrows and like to torment anyone they possibly can. Max is married and recently became a father and is torn between leaving the police force or staying and becoming another casualty. When his best friend Goose (no not the one from Top Gun) is burned beyond recognition he quits the force. In an amazing coincidence his wife gets into trouble with the same road gang that took out Goose and Max is forced back into action.

Mad Max is an interesting movie. The story is bare bones and there is not really any explanation at all as to why the world is going to hell. It’s basically a western with the good guys and bad guys trading their horses for cars and motorcycles. The characters have no real depth they’re all just kind of nuts and like to drive fast and wreck things. Max and his wife are just about the only somewhat normal characters in the whole movie every other character is weird as hell.

This movie is not about the people anyway Mad Max is all about the cars and stunts. There are some seriously wacko stunts in this movie. The car chases and crashes upped the ante in a decade that was dedicated to destroying as many road vehicles as possible in almost every movie and TV show being made. Director George Miller in my opinion is second to none in filming intense chase scenes that really get the adrenaline pumping. His filming style actually brings an amazing sense of speed to the road high jinks that I have never seen done as well.

I have to admit to being a big fan of movies with a dystopian setting. There is just something so interesting to me about modern civilization in decline. Maybe it’s because I expect something like this happen in the real world any day now? I don’t care how cheesy the movie is I can enjoy it if it has a cool vision of a wasted world . Mad Max is not quite as high on the cheese meter as some end of the world movies such as Omega Man but it has its moments. It also has a lot of energy and is a lot of fun.

The good:

Mel Gibson was great as Max. I enjoyed his movies immensely before he went bonkers.

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Mel Gibson, Australian for nuts.

The cars especially the black Pursuit Special.

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Cool car but a little too colorful.

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Perfect. One of the best movie cars ever!

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Just awesome.

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Maximum Fluoride Protection has never looked so good.

The car chases and the wreckage. There is an amazing sense of speed in the chase scenes and the various crashes are awesome.

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Big truck 1, Toecutter 0

The sawed-off double barrel police side arm. Not very practical but imposing to say the least.

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The not so good:

Toecutter is not that interesting a villain in my opinion. Neither is his gang all that great.

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What is he a vampire?

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Man was I glad when these two finally shut up.

The singer that Goose is attracted to is scary.

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Olive Oil sure can belt out a tune…not a good tune but a tune nonetheless.

Random thoughts and observations:

What are the odds that Max’s wife goes to get ice cream and runs into the same gang that Max and Goose had trouble with? Small world isn’t it?

Why doesn’t anyone swerve around or brake when they’re in a car being pursued by motorcycles? I would pretend my car was a bowling ball and the bikes were pins.

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You’re in a heavy car being pursued by motorcycles. Swerve and brake and swerve and brake.

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This scene cracks me up. They attached a rocket motor to the car and sent it down the road. It went off course and raced around a field. You can clearly see no one is in the car.

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Then they attached a tow cable to it that is visible just before the car goes boom.

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Speaking of cables you can see the cable that yanks Bubba off his bike when Max shoots him.

I was so happy when they finally released the non dubbed version of this movie with the original Australian language track. I absolutely hated the dubbing and I think it made everyone sound like a complete and utter retard.

I actually saw The Road Warrior in the theater in 1981 before I even saw the first movie. The second movie is by far my favorite of the series.

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For some odd reason director George Miller loves showing eyes popping out in intense scenes. He uses this effect when both the Nightrider and Toecutter are about to kick the bucket. He used it again in Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior and the segment he directed for Twilight Zone: The Movie.

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Great idea for revenge. Better watch out or Alan Moore might steal the idea and use it in Watchmen.

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Max wanders out into the wasteland where he learns to live again. Did he forget his wife actually survived?

TV Review – Battlestar Galactica (1978) Pilot Episode

1978 Universal Studios

Three Stars

Battlestar GalacticaThe runaway success of any movie pretty much guarantees that copycats will soon be popping up to try to ride the popularity wave it generates and no movie had more copycats and wannabes than Star Wars. Probably the most blatant Star Wars ripoff of all was the TV series Battlestar Galactica. Made solely to cash in on the success of the Twentieth Century Fox mammoth blockbuster this expensive series became very popular very quickly and then died, a victim of the incredible expense of producing it.

Being ravenous for anything Star Wars or resembling Star Wars I jumped on this like a kid in a candy store. Even back in my childhood I knew this was a ripoff but I didn’t care. Strangely enough though this had a charm all its own with a very likable cast, an interesting storyline, and some good special effects. It soon built a very passionate fan base and was doing pretty good in the ratings. The pilot episode was also released in the theaters to take advantage of the science fiction/fantasy craze.

Battlestar Galactica has a grand story with an epic scope, as the pilot episode begins we are introduced to the human citizens of the twelve colonies of man who are celebrating a peace armistice with their longtime foes the Cylons. During the celebration when their guard is down the Cylons attack and devastate the twelve colonies. The survivors flee their home worlds and rendezvous with the lone surviving Battlestar, basically an air craft carrier in space. In an attempt to avoid genocide the remnants of mankind flee their solar system and begin a quest for the mythical thirteenth colony located on a planet called Earth. The Cylons, a machine race, pursue the rag-tag fleet of assorted space vessels hellbent on extermination every living human in the universe .

For television back in the 1970’s this series was huge: huge budget, huge cast, huge sets, and a huge story to boot. I was in heaven and impatiently awaited each new episode. I collected the model kits and other toys and was just enjoying it all immensely. Then it was cancelled and the world just sucked! My friends and I were very bummed when this show went off the air. We had a blast talking about the show at school and playing my handheld Battlestar Galactica Space Alert video game in which little red dots would rush toward your Battlestar and you needed to fire red dots at the red dots to destroy them. Awesome graphics.

The good:

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The scenes of the destruction of the colonies are well done if a bit limited by the budget.

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The Colonial Viper. I’m not ashamed to say I love this ship even more than the X-Wing.

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The Cylon Raider. Looks mean.

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The Battlestar. Just plain awesomeness.

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The Cylon Base Star. Underrated ship in my opinion. Yes they do look like giant spools.

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The Cylons. Uber cool bad guys.

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The bridge of the Galactica. Terrific design and I love the large-scale.

Some of the special effects are impressive.

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JS

Jane Seymour. Yowza!

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The Ovions. Cool little bug-eyed bad dudes. Quick get the Raid!

The handheld Battlestar Galactica Space Alert game. I mean just look at it!

Space Alert

The not so good:

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The stupid daggett. Yes it’s kind of cute but it’s also kind of creepy. Look at those glassy Ewok eyes.

Some of the special effects are not that impressive.

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The Battlestar Atlantia gets obscured by pasted on explosions. You can still see the model is in perfect condition.

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Ahhhh my eyes.

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Lets see there’s one really cool full size Viper mockup, two cardboard cutouts, and a bad painting in the background. Beautiful.

The reuse of special effects. Even in the pilot episode they were recycling effects shots.

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One of the many shots used twice in the pilot. Did they think no one would notice?

After the fleet reaches Carillon the story gets kind of dumb. None of the people there are aware that the twelve colonies have been destroyed and no one in the fleet seems to be in a hurry to tell them. Clearly these are citizens of the colonies seeing how there are already colonial warriors in the casino when Starbuck and Boomer arrive.

Starbuck wants to take the singing group with the four eyed two mouthed girls on the star circuit claiming it's his ticket out of the military. The twelve colonies have just been destroyed is there even a star circuit anymore? Nice of him to want to bail out of the military when every man or woman is needed. As soon as they reach Carillon the story gets kind of dumb.

Starbuck wants to take the singing group with the four eyed two mouthed girls on the star circuit claiming it’s his ticket out of the military. The twelve colonies have just been destroyed is there even a star circuit anymore? Nice of him to want to bail out of the military when every man or woman is needed.

Random thoughts and observations:

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Sarah Rush should have been given a bigger role.

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When Zac bites the dust you can see light spilling out underneath the canopy. Nice airtight seal.

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Is the Imperious Leader a biological life form? He looks like one but it’s mentioned that he has been programmed.
How does he get up to the chair?

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He looks reptilian not mechanical.

Even as a child I always thought it was a bit peculiar that the Cylons would have let Baltar live. In the theatrical release they didn’t, they beheaded him.

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In the TV version the Centurion begins to draw his sword and then stops at the command of the Imperious Leader…

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…in the theatrical version he’s not so lucky.

Early in the pilot episode Apollo and his younger brother Zac go on patrol. Just after they leave a Cylon Raider is seen for a few frames following them. This is a case where the editor neglected to trim the scene short enough, the Cylon was not supposed to be there!

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Pay no attention to the Cylon Raider in the lower left corner.

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You can see the wire that powers the strobe light running into Apollo’s sleeve.

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“We will find Earth…so say we all.”
“SO SHAVE OUR BALLS”

Memories from the Edge – The first movie I remember seeing in the theater.

About a year ago I decided to try and write down every movie I have ever watched in a movie theater. This project came about because of a desire to find the source of some very vivid images I had floating around in my head. I knew these images were from a movie I had seen in a theater when I was very young but I wasn’t sure what the movie was or when I saw it. I am blessed (or cursed sometimes) with a very detailed photographic memory and I rarely forget things even if I want to. This can be a great ability to have and a major pain in the ass. These images have popped up regularly over the years and it was time to investigate!

I sat down and tried to remember everything I could about this movie: I remembered two young kids in a crowded outdoor area pushing through a crowd and going up a flight of stairs. I remembered a girl making a wish for a horse and having her wish granted by a magical machine. I remembered a brightly colored room, a colorful glass ball, and the kids in a rocket ship that landed in back of a house in the country.

After pulling every possible detail out of my memory I headed for the internet to try and track down the source of these images. The machine that granted wishes was the key. It turns out the movie was a Ukrainian production made in 1967 called Automat na prání or The Wishing Machine. This movie was dubbed in English and released in the US in February of 1971 when I was three years and four months old. I remember sitting in the theater watching this with my brother Joel who is two years older than I am.

I find it funny that the first movie I remember seeing was made in the Ukraine but it does make sense, the movie theater near our childhood home used to play quite a few foreign children’s movies in the seventies.

Since the first movie I remember seeing is a fantasy movie I have to wonder if that somehow led to my extreme love of the genres I am most drawn to?

I found this movie on YouTube and I was surprised how much I remembered.  Here are the images I remembered most vividly:

Stairs

Tubes

Pipes

Glass Ball

Horse

WM

Rocket

Rocket II

Movie Review – Prometheus

2012 Twentieth Century Fox

Three and Half Star

PrometheusThirty four years after Alien was released Ridley Scott returns to the universe he helped create with this kinda sorta not quite maybe a possible prequel. Much has been said about the wishy washy nature of the story already and since I wasn’t there I have no freaking idea what the original intent was for this movie. I have heard that this was originally supposed to be a direct prequel to Alien but who knows?  So as it stands it’s a standalone semi-prequel that tells us a little more about the race of big space jockey dudes and their horseshoe shaped spaceships.

Prometheus begins on a primitive and lifeless Earth as a big grey muscular guy with abs of steel and wearing a diaper drinks a nasty looking concoction and then precedes to disintegrate. Fast forward millions of years to 2089 A.D. and we are introduced to some archaeologists who have made an absolutely fabulous discovery in Scotland. In a cave they find a painting of stick figures pointing at a group of stars. Bitchin stuff. We jump forward again to the year 2093 as the research vessel Prometheus makes it way to the very group of stars the stick figures were pointing at.

During a show and tell session it is revealed that this same star chart has been recorded in artwork from seven ancient civilizations so an expedition is planned to see what’s so damned exciting in this particular star system. Like all similar expeditions throughout the history of cinema this does not go according to plan and the shit really starts hitting the fan and everything else in range.

Prometheus is a film of great ambitions that sometimes hits the target but other times trips and falls flat on its face. While trying to delve into some deep thoughts on life, creation, and whatnot the story gets a little too silly and some of the characters come across as really idiotic and implausible. On the plus side this is an absolutely beautiful looking movie with some impressive set and costume designs and top notch special effects. The music score by Marc Streitenfeld gives the production a nice sense of wonder and discovery, something that is missing from many science fiction movies. The cast is filled with very talented actors who, with two exceptions, manage to elevate their somewhat underwritten roles to something better than they probably should have been.

This is one of those movies where it seems a great deal of tinkering was done in post production and it gives the story a herky jerky feel to it and makes you wonder what the original intention was. Prometheus is an amazing attempt at making something a little more thoughtful and ambitious than the average movie and even if it fails to reach the heights it could have I still applaud everyone who worked on it for trying to rise above the usual drivel.

The good:

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Noomi Rapace is really good as Elizabeth. She has gorgeous eyes and great cheekbones too!

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Michael Fassbender is fantastic as David. His slightly condescending attitude towards the clearly inferior humans he serves is balanced nicely with his obvious respect for Dr. Shaw. Very interesting character.

Visually stunning movie. I love the set designs that mirror many aspects of designs used in Alien.

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Amazing visual effects. CGI is finally evolving past its awkward early years (in some cases at least).

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Awesome ship designs. Maybe they should crash them together? That would be cool!

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Yep it’s cool!

The not so good:

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Why have Charlie take his helmet off and risk possible contagion? How hard would it have been to put a throwaway line in there about scanning for nasty things? It made these supposed professionals look like a bunch of idiots yet again.

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Shortly after returning to the ship Charlie starts whining and drinking clearly disappointed in what they found. It’s not like they explored the whole complex and discovered all its mysteries at this point. This makes Charlie look shallow and pretty immature.

The characters of Fifield and Millburn are pathetic. It seems like they wandered in from another movie entirely. Their actions appear to be random and directly tied into whatever the screenplay needed them to be in any given scene. They are what I refer to as puppet characters and their actions don’t seem plausible or real.

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Very professional and believable biologist. Not!

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What the hell were they thinking with this character? He looks and acts like a total idiot. Worst character I have seen in a long time.

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This thing reminds me very much of a cobra. You know one of those dangerous and venomous snakes most people try to avoid. Its head even opens up like the hood of a cobra.
So what does this biologist do when he’s near this potentially dangerous cobra like thingy? Why he talks baby talk to it and see if it wants to cuddle. Stupid!

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The so called science in this movie is a joke. After examining this head for all of thirty seconds they decide to send an electric charge into it and end up blowing it up. The characters display all the patient of children who have just eaten a whole box  of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bomb cereal.

his scene is another example of rushing and skipping details. It looks like the machine merely staples the outer layer of tissue together while neglecting to repair any internal damage. Elizabeth will be dying from internal bleeding shortly. The sequel will be very short.

This scene is another example of rushing and skipping details. It looks like the machine merely staples the outer layer of tissue together while neglecting to repair any internal damage. Elizabeth will be dying from internal bleeding shortly. The sequel will be very short.

This looks like the stupid backwoods cousin of the alien we all know and love. Not a fan of this design.

This looks like the stupid backwoods cousin of the alien we all know and love. Not a fan of this design.

Random thought and observations:

The Engineers are an interesting race. They obviously were a highly advanced race before we even existed and yet they seem to cling to ritual. I would think a truly advanced race would have grown out of such silly things.

The fact the Engineers created life on Earth allows for both a creationist and evolutionary theory at the same time. That should piss off quite a few people.

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So Captain Underpants here drinks this goo…

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…and his body breaks down into its DNA building blocks…

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…that get swept away in the river and seed the Earth. Now life evolved over millions of years on Earth. Was this some kind of super DNA that was coded in such a way to map out the entire history of evolution so it would culminate in the creation of humanoid beings? If so why are we not really tall ripped bipeds with black eyes? Or was it all just an accident?

Interesting to compare the technology available at the time Alien was made with the tech we have now. Look at the differences in display screens:

Displays

The graphic designs on this display are easily recognizable to any fan of Ridley Scott’s movies:

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The giant squid monster at rest…

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…strangely resembles a certain other organism seen before.

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This looks familiar as well.

Despite what many people think this movie takes place on a planet known as LV_223 not LV_426 or Acheron as seen in Alien and Aliens. The climate is clearly different and was unlikely to change that much in thirty years when Alien takes place. Planets don’t transform themselves that drastically in that incredibly short period of time.

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See it says LV_223.

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Six similar representations of the same group of stars weren’t enough? They needed to wait until they found the seventh to get all excited?

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I heard a lot of comments about how stupid Vickers character was in not running a different way when the alien ship is crashing…

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…lets see you try it when a massive ship is rolling toward you and things are exploding around you and you aren’t sure which way the unevenly shaped ship may go.

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Shaw rolls out out of the way…

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…but still almost gets crushed. She is only saved because the ship was caught on a rock leaving a slight space between her and certain death. It’s easy to second guess things in a movie when we’re sitting safely in the theater or a home.

So after thirty four years here we are with an explanation as to who the big space jockey seen in Alien was.  Not on the same planet of course but the same race. How does all this fit in with Alien? Well it doesn’t really. We know only that this race of Engineer’s is made up of a bunch of morons whose bio weapons keep getting the better of them. We learn nothing of the ship from Alien and besides the dorky looking chestburster and alien at the end of this film, the Engineer’s, and the horse shoe ship there are not any real connections.

The deleted and alternate scenes:

There is a longer version of the scene where the Engineer is released from the sleep chamber. There are subtitles explaining what David and the Engineer say to each other and Weyland has more lines giving a clearer view of what he was seeking. I would have kept this scenes in the movie personally.

There is an alternate scene of the mutated Fifield that has a different makeup design than the one used. I prefer the unused design.

Movie Review – Alien Resurrection

1997 Twentieth Century Fox

One Star

Alien ResurrectionI remember when Ripley died a heroic and graceful death falling into a fiery pit on a forgotten world. Four years later Alien Resurrection managed to erase any grace that was left in the Alien movie franchise and made me want to undergo brain surgery to forget I ever saw it. This is one of those movies that after the initial viewing I was absolutely puzzled why no one who was watching dallies during production came out and said “My god this is a piece of shit!”. Would that there were some brave individuals in the world of motion picture production who could speak up and spare the audience the pain of watching a truly excruciatingly bad movie. The entire Star Wars prequel trilogy would never have come to pass. What a nice thought…anyway on to the review.

Set two hundred years after Ripley kicked the bucket Alien Resurrection takes place mainly on a giant science vessel on which mad scientists have successfully cloned Ripley and the alien queen growing within her. Where they managed to get the genetic material for both is a mystery but many things in this movie are so it fits in a totally illogical kind of way. So of course Ripley becomes the center of things yet again this time in a different form as a basketball wiz and mega bitch with all the warmth of Pluto on a cold winters day. Soon a smaller ship, the Betty, arrives and delivers kidnapped people who are to be used as hosts to create more aliens, cue the evil music, twist the mustaches, etc. The Betty is manned by a crew of the most charmless and uncharismatic characters to be found outside of a Michael Bay movie. Well of course things go very wrong on the ship and soon blood is flying, acid is eating through things, and characters that we don’t give a crap about are dying left and right. That pretty much covers the story. What it doesn’t cover is the total horrid nature of just about every aspect of this movie.

To be totally blunt this movie is one of the worst big budget movies I have ever seen. I found almost nothing to like, the story is boring and ludicrous, the characters, except for one, are unlikable assholes, the pacing is choppy, the music is bland, and the special effects are strange. Worst of all in my opinion is the decision to bring back Ripley. There seems to be some unwritten law in Hollywood that a franchise cannot continue without its star. I say bullshit. The James Bond franchise is still thriving despite the title role being recast six times. The Planet of the Apes movies did quite well with rotating actors. If the story is good and told well the audience will come back for more. It’s clear the studio had no confidence that an Alien movie without Ripley could be successful so here she is again only this time she’s a bitch with a terrible wardrobe and her character did not draw the audience back to the theater in huge numbers.

The good:

Michael Wincott as the Captain of the Betty. He’s the only likable character and he gets bumped off way too early.

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Introducing the only character I gave a damn about in the entire movie!

The Betty is a cool ship and the model is awesome. They actually built several interesting models for the movie but totally underutilized them. When they are used they are not filmed well and don’t look that good onscreen.

It's the Betty! Cool ship badly filmed.

It’s the Betty! Cool ship badly filmed.

The aliens are still a great design.

Oh wook at da wittle baby awien. Oh sooo cute.

Oh wook at da wittle baby awien. Oh sooo cute.

The swimming aliens are kind of fun, too bad the sequence sucks.

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Jaws. The Revenge Again!

This movie had an awesome teaser trailer. It has kickass music and doesn’t give any of the plot away. Too bad the movie wasn’t anywhere near as interesting.

The bad:

The characters all walk around with the same “I’m so bad” attitudes and they all look like they just ate a lemon.

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Bitch.

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Bitch but cute at least.

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Dickhead.

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Weird.

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I think this is the only time someone smiles in the movie.

The pacing is awful, after every somewhat fast paced scene there is a scene of the characters slowly walking around the ship and then they stop and talk. There is no sense of urgency the way they casually saunter about. Even during so called action sequences the pace is so slow and the sequences are so dragged out I got bored a quarter of the way through them.

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“We must get off this ship fast. Lets walk slowly here and there and stop and talk a lot.”

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“Blah, blah, blah…”

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“Maybe we should run.”

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“Let’s talk about possible running.”

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“Where the hell are we?”

The ricochet the bullet off the duct work and hit the guard in the head sequence is ridiculous.

Hard to take Brad Dourif’s character seriously when he’s smiling and babbling like an idiot during the birth of the hybrid.

Oh...it's like a beautiful butterfly. The ugliest beautiful butterfly ever. So stupid... so terrible.

Oh…it’s like a beautiful butterfly…the ugliest beautiful butterfly ever…

The special effects look like paintings.

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I like my movies murky but not his murky.

The alien hybrid is one of the dumbest looking beasties I have ever seen. What a terrible design.

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I just can’t imagine why this design was chosen. This thing is laughably bad.

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Monsters should not have a little bumpy hooky thingy on the end of their nose.

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Nor should they have saggy booby thingies. This is just beyond awful. Look at it compared to the queen. Utter crap!

Random thoughts and observations:

Why does the alien operate the big red button with its pop out teeth? They do have hands. Looks like a situation where someone said “hey you know it would be funny if it used its teeth”. It’s not funny.

So the aliens pop out teeth have appeared to be made from a hard bony substance all throughout the series but look it's not.

So the aliens pop out teeth appeared to be made from a hard bony substance all throughout the series but look it’s not. Dumb.

How long can these people hold their breath? Look at them expelling air to make pretty bubbles that look great on camera!

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Hey dude, you do know that is air you’re expelling right?

Ripley’s alien orgy scene is so dumb it’s stupid.

Bow-chicka-bow-bow...

Bow-chicka-bow-bow…

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These two aliens confer and decide to kill a third alien in order to burn through the floor and escape their cell.

Sizzle, sizzle, we've escaped.

Sizzle, sizzle, we’ve escaped.

Later on this alien shoots acid out of its mouth into this guys face.

Later on this alien shoots acid out of its mouth into someones face. Yak yak…

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Sizzle, sizzle, ouch me face, me face! So if they’re able to shoot acid out their mouths why did they need to kill the alien in the cell to escape? Why didn’t they all just yak acid onto the floor or window? Did anyone review the screenplay before they filmed?

As much as I loved director Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s The City of Lost Children I have to say he was completely the wrong choice for this movie. There is a definite weird French vibe going on that clashes big time with the story and genre.

Why is the science vessel programmed to return to Earth when things go horribly wrong onboard? Wouldn’t you want to get the ship as far away from Earth to avoid endangering the population?

When things go wrong it's best to return the ship to where it could do the most damage.

When things go wrong it’s best to return the ship to where it could do the most damage.

What is with the apocalyptic ending off the extended version? I can see why they cut this. How generic can you get?

Huh?

Huh?