Movie Review – The Car

1977 Universal Pictures

GP Alert

The CarStraight from Hell’s body shop comes The Car!

I have to admit to being a serious junky when it comes to certain cheesy 1970’s and 1980’s horror and science fiction movies. I know they’re bad but I can’t help but loving them. It’s an addiction I can live with and I will happily feed it as long as I live. The Car is one of those movies that I just love. I first saw this movie on HBO and I must have watched it about twenty times or more. Even as a child I knew it was goofy but I didn’t care. To this day no matter what anyone says I will defend the entertainment value of this movie to the bitter end!

The Car is set in a small town out in the middle of the desert that becomes the target of a mysterious car that has a nasty habit of running over people. After two bicyclist and a hitchhiker are ruthlessly mowed down the police lock down the area in an attempt to trap the perpetrator and stop the vehicular homicide. What they didn’t count on is the fact the car has no driver and ordinary laws of psychics don’t seem to apply this hellish creation.

The Car is an easy movie to describe, it’s Jaws with a car. The Car is structured very much like Jaws and feels like Jaws just without the quality writing, acting, directing, and all that other silly stuff. Basically it’s a lame ripoff that happens to be a lot of fun.

There is nothing too complex about this movie. There’s a killer car on the loose and the law must find a way to stop it before it kills again. The plot is simple, the characters are simple, and that’s about it. There is some attempt to give depth to a few of the characters with a couple of subplots but it doesn’t really work all that well. The dialogue is atrocious at times and some of the camera angles and use of sped up footage are bizarre to say the least. But it doesn’t matter the Car is the star and the rest is just a bunch of filler. The existence of this car is never explained. Why it attacks this small town is a mystery. It’s just a good excuse to drive a cool car around and destroy things. Can’t ask for more than that in this kind of movie except maybe for some gratuitous nudity.

The good:

The title character. The menacing monstrous beast of a car built specially for the movie is one of my favorite four wheeled creations of all time. A heavily modified 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III black coupe with no door handles, a lowered roof, one way windows, and a car horn straight from the depths of Hades.

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I love how the car just appears out of the desert and starts going crazy on this small town.

I love the music score by Leonard Rosenman.

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Kim Richards is so damn cute.

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Holy smokes! I never had any teachers like this.

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Or this!

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There are some cool locations in The Car.

dvd_snapshot_00.41.43_[2013.05.06_16.36.21] The not so good:

I can understand speeding up the footage of the car seeing as it has supernatural abilities but why speed up the footage of the police cars and motorcycle? There is a whole sequence where all the driving footage is sped up and it just looks goofy especially the footage of James Brolin on his motorcycle.

Random thoughts and observations:

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Not too many movies start off with a quote from the Satanic Bible.

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These two are equivalent to the first victim of the shark in Jaws.

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Filmed in CarVision!

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Uh oh, could be trouble. Quick duck and cover!

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Students practice marching at a fairground. This is the Jaws beach scene…

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…complete with a policeman keeping an eye out for the car.

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Not doing a very good job of it either. What’s the sun gleaming off from out in the desert? Hmmmmmm…

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The car even gets a shark fin sticking out of the water scene.

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The car is kept obscured by dust or only the front end is shown in the first half of the movie.

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The big reveal of the car forty six minutes into the movie. Too bad the nimrods who created the trailer showed the car in all its glory.

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Not something you want to see when you take a corner…

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…or when you turn around in your locked garage.

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“Wade I think I hear the car!”
That thing she’s holding is called a telephone kids!

During the end credits there is footage of the car riding through the deserted streets of a larger city. Was there a sequel planned at some point?

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The Car 2: Car in the City

Movie Review – Snow White and the Huntsman

2012 Universal Pictures

Two and Half Star

Snow WhiteSnow White and the Huntsman continues the current Hollywood trend of putting a new spin on a classic story this time obviously retelling the tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

As the movie begins we are introduced to King Magnus and Queen Eleanor, rulers off the kingdom of Tabor who have just had a daughter that they cruelly name Snow White. Everyone in the kingdom loves the kind and gentle little Snow and everything is good in Tabor. Soon evil things are afoot when the Queen dies and the kingdom comes under attack from an army of soldiers that appear to made of glass. After the glass men are defeated a beautiful woman, supposedly a captive of the evil soldiers, wins the kings heart and becomes the new queen. Queen Ravenna, showing her true colors,  kills the king on their wedding night and locks Snow White in the castle tower. She then begins a reign of terror and brutality over Tabor. The land and people suffer greatly until Snow White escapes and offers hope and salvation to the wounded land and oppressed citizens.

Snow White and the Huntsman is an odd duck. Using the basic story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs as the foundation for the story would have been okay if the screenplay had used more of the elements of the original tale. Unfortunately it doesn’t flesh the story out very well or add anything that really stands out. There is not much of the original story intact in this version. The plot is here but not much is done with the rest of the story beyond the basic outline. I’m not quite sure why they just didn’t tell an all new story and dispense with the need to throw in a reference here and there to the source material but oh well, that’s Hollywood for you. The characters are never anything but one dimensional caricatures. I didn’t really give a damn about any of them except maybe for Ravenna’s brother and he’s a villain. I kept wishing he would just kill his sister, get out of this movie, and go find a better life for himself (starting off with a good haircut).

This is a movie of missed opportunities that despite its shortcomings is worth a rental if only for the terrific production values,  solid effects, and well done costume and set design.

The good:

The Dark Forest is impressively brought to life by the effects crew. Nasty place I say. On the whole this is a good looking movie.

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Snow White and the Huntsman is a visually dynamic movie.

Dwarves

The dwarfs are likable characters.

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Kristen Stewart has gorgeous eyes and at times looks quite beautiful.

Charlize Theron looks stunning as Ravenna and her costumes are beautifully designed..

Queen

The not so good:

I don’t find Kristen Stewart to be a very interesting actress. I watched the first Twilight movie on a weekend when pay channels were free on my cable provider. I had heard nothing good about it and I wanted to see if it was as bad as everyone was saying. I found it to be a mediocre movie at best.  I have since watched all but the last movie during more free weekends and found them to be challenged in the quality department as well.

Anyway since every element of the Twilight movies are sub par I thought maybe my opinion of Ms. Stewart may have been clouded by the atrociousness of the whole “saga” so I endeavored to put any negative thoughts aside and give her a chance as Snow White. My opinion of her is no different after watching this movie. To me she is like an empty shell walking through every scene she appears in. She comes across as totally ambivalent and cold towards anything and everything and radiates all the charm and energy of a spent light bulb. I simply do not see the appeal.  She appears to be in a constant state of lethargic anxiety if that makes any sense.

Snow

Okay now open your mouth and stare blankly. Good, good.

Snow III

Okay now open your mouth and stare blankly. Good, good.

Snow II

Okay now open your mouth and stare blankly. Good, good.

Stewart looks ludicrous in armor riding at the front of her army. She is far too fragile looking and unenergetic to be a plausible driving force. Her character didn’t seem cut out for fighting in the first place so placing her in this position is not a very believable plot element.

Snow V

Snort, giggle, hee hee. Sorry I don’t buy Snow’s sudden conversion into Xena at the end. She would be dead in two seconds.

The character of the Queen is not that interesting. She is a shallow bitch that appears to hate everything. Why she even wants to be the ruler of the kingdom is beyond me seeing as she gets no pleasure from anything. There is no aspect of her personality that begs for even a smidgeon of sympathy. I simply found her pathetic. Her brother was a far more interesting character who unfortunately was not developed to the full extent.

What was the point of the Huntsman character? He was an unlikable drunk who only seemed to be around to plant the kiss on Bland White’s lips. I think I would have combined the Huntsman and William characters together instead of trying to create another lame triangle.

Huntsman

Combine these two characters and you would have one strong character instead of two weak characters.

William

If one more movie uses the whole generic prophecy story line crap again I am going to open a can of major whoop ass.  Does every hero have to be “The One”?  Can anyone in Hollywood think of anything different than a chosen character who is prophesied to destroy evil yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

I like Bob Hoskins but his character was a bit off-kilter and creepy in this movie.

Random thoughts and observations:

Is White Snow’s middle name or is White her last name?

No one seems to refer to Snow White by her given name. It’s almost like they were trying to distance themselves from the fact that they based this movie on the Snow White mythos. Also maybe they realized how stupid it sounds to go around calling someone Snow White.

As you watch this movie pay close attention to the English accents of Stewart and Theron. They both say or shout “Fatha”, “Daughta”, “Brotha”, and similar words quite a bit.  It’s like they tweaked the screenplay to give them an easier time with the accents.

Movie Review – Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

1984 Paramount Pictures

Two Stars

Friday the 13th Part 4

Another year and another Friday the 13th movie this time without the extra dimension that part 3 included, back to regular old 2D this time around. As any fan of the series can tell you this wasn’t exactly the final chapter they kind of kept going after this and didn’t stop for quite awhile. Didn’t seem to bother anyone all that much that we were all lied to and told this was it no more Friday the 13th movies after this one. It’s almost like the title was just some gimmicky promotional stunt to get people into the theater. No movie studio would ever sink so low as that would they?

The “Final” Chapter of the epic Friday the 13th opus begins at the house last seen in Part 3. Jason is apparently dead and is hauled away to the morgue at the local hospital. Death is never quite permanent when old hockey head is involved and soon he’s  on the loose again looking for love in all the wrong places. He of course winds up on a collision course with a group of stupid horny teenagers and a man seeking vengeance against Jason for killing his sister. This revenge minded fellow intends on taking Jason down once and for all and putting an end to the mindless killing and mindless movies at the same time! Boy did he ever fail.

Part 4 was the first Friday the 13th movie I saw in the theater. I was too young to see the previous movies, although to be honest that didn’t stop me from seeing other R rated movies in the theater I guess I just never bothered with the first three Friday the 13th movies. I have to say this is not my favorite entry, it lacks some of the fun of the previous movie and takes itself too seriously. I just plain don’t  like most of the characters and I don’t particularly care for the overall tone of this movie for some reason, it feels kind of sleazy to me. It’s not like the other movies in the series are that brilliant this one just bothered me.

On a more positive note the music is still sufficiently creepy and special makeup pioneer Tom Savini returned to create some truly nasty makeup effects. The gore factor is definitely turned up a notch in this installment.

Not the greatest but not the worst in the series. In my opinion the Friday the 13th franchise started its downward slide with this movie and never quite recaptured the fun. Oh well it’s not like I was expecting much in the first place.

The good:

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She’s incredibly cute.

The makeup effects are particularly gruesome this time thanks to Tom Savini.

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Ouch!

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Double ouch!

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This effect elicited a great reaction from the audience as Jason’s head slid down the machete.

The not so good:

Holy shit are the characters lame in this movie. I know Friday the 13th is not known for its amazing writing and award winning acting but damn. Teddy and Jimmy are the most annoying of the bunch.

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The single most annoying character in any Friday the 13th movie.

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Followed closely by Crispin Glover’s character.

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Miss sweeter than sugar is way too serious.

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This is the worst outfit in any Friday the 13th.

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I hate the use of identical twins in entertainment. What a boring gimmick.

The mighty Jason hunter should have made a better showing but he’s as big a dweeb as everyone else in this movie.

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What a dork this guy is. He comes to Crystal Lake to avenge the death of his sister. Jason wrecks all his equipment and then kills him with a garden claw while mister mighty does nothing to try to stop Jason from cultivating his torso.

Amazing movie sequences #4: The incredible all knowing Jason!

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Jason cleaves Crispin in the kitchen…

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…then for some reason goes outside the house and climbs up to a second story window…

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…just in time to fling one of the slutbag twins out the window…

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…and onto a car that has extremely explosive windows. The twin put on some flesh tone tights before her fall.

Random thoughts and observations:

Tom Savini reportedly agreed to do the makeup effects on this movie so he could kill the character he helped create. Jason unfortunately didn’t stay dead long.

The original idea for the ending was to have Jason get his head trapped in a  microwave and have it go splat. I am glad they didn’t go with that concept.

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I used to play Zaxxon on my Colecovision.

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Suddenly a man appeared above the lake suspended by wires and with an arrow sticking out of his crotch. Weird.

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Nice plastic hammer.

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This is the only Friday the 13th movie to film at a location used in the previous movie.

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This really should have been the last movie in the series. Jason was hacked to pieces at the end not to mention this is probably the weakest of the movies up to this point…but it made money and money talks.

The evolution of Jason: 

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From this…

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…to this. Must be something in the water.

Movie Review – Time Bandits

1981 Handmade Films

Three and Half Star

Time Bandits

“Mom…Dad…it’s Evil, don’t touch it.” – Kevin

 

Terry Gilliam, member of Monty Python and creator of the wacky animation sequences on that show, has directed some truly inspired and totally bizarre movies over the years. Time Bandits was his third major directorial effort after co-directing the brilliant Monty Python and the Holy Grail and going solo on the not so brilliant but still entertaining Jabberwocky.

Time Bandits tells the story of a young lad in England named Kevin who gets caught up in the strange shenanigans of a group of little people that have stolen a wondrous map from The Supreme Being. This map shows the locations of doorways that allow one to travel through time and space. It seems these doorways were a leftover from when the universe was built being a rush job and all. These thieves are planning to use the map to plunder the greatest treasures throughout the ages and have decided to let Kevin tag along on their morally questionable and  not so legal adventures. Meanwhile The Supreme Being is pursuing them to get his map back and Evil himself is looking to get his hands on the map so he can escape his imprisonment in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness and take over the universe with his superior knowledge of car phones and digital watches.

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The doors are not necessarily in the best locations.

Nice and straightforward story huh? Not much about Gilliam’s movie are very straightforward and when he is on his game he makes great movies. For Time Bandits Gilliam was not quite at the top of his game but he still scores quite often throughout the movie. There are a couple of dead spots where the movie grinds to a halt but it gets going again pretty quickly. There are odd characters and concepts popping up everywhere and it’s all great fun. The cast is good and the photography, music, and special effects are not so shabby either. There are a few sequences where the lack of a bigger budget are evident but it doesn’t detract from the fun at all.

This was the first movie in Gilliam’s “Trilogy of Imagination”. Time Bandits was followed by the absolutely extraordinary Brazil and fun if meandering The Adventures of the Baron Munchhausen. I would recommend all these movies to anyone who enjoys quirky and imaginative fantasies.

The good:

The cast is terrific from the lead characters all the way down.

The band of mighty thieves.

The band of mighty thieves.

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David Warner is awesome in the role of Evil. I always enjoy his performances.

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Michael Palin and Shelly Duvall are funny as hell as Vincent and Pansy, two lovers with the knack for being interrupted by the thieves no matter what era they’re in.

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Ralph Richardson as the well dressed Supreme Being.

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The Supreme Being in scary mode.

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John Cleese as the absurdly dressed Robin Hood.

As is the case with most of Gilliam’s movies the visuals are amazing and off the wall.dvd_snapshot_01.18.32_[2013.04.13_20.35.57]dvd_snapshot_01.39.19_[2013.04.14_15.29.01]dvd_snapshot_01.38.54_[2013.04.14_15.28.41]

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The map is cool. I liked it so much I got one to hang on the wall in my office!

The Map

Mine’s a little cleaner.

The not so good:

The movie really gets slow when the gang is having dinner with Napoleon.

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God is this scene slow.

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This scene is pretty dull as well.

In the pan and scan format of this movie you can see the floor of the filming stage in this scene.

In the pan and scan format of the movie you can see the floor of the filming stage in this scene.

Random thoughts and observations:

The end of this movie is totally demented and one of my favorite movie endings of all time. Here it is along with the end credits featuring a song by the late great George Harrison:

Movie Review – Mad Max

1979 Kennedy Miller Productions

Three Stars

Mad Max

The maximum force of the future? What the heck is that supposed to mean exactly? Damn silly if you ask me.

Before Mel Gibson’s career faded and his outlook dimmed he had built an impressive catalog of movies. Mad Max is the movie that launched his career all those years ago before he turned into a loon. Made on a shoestring budget in Australia Mad Max took advantage of the crazy car culture and long stretches of empty road in that country and cashed in big time.

Mad Max is set in a dystopian future where civilization appears to be breaking down and law and order are on the verge of collapsing all together. Mad Mel portrays Max Rockatansky, the best driver in his police force the MFP or Maximum Fluoride Protection. Their job is to stamp out tooth decay and gingivitis. Well not really they actually are battling roads gangs and guys who shave off half of the eyebrows and like to torment anyone they possibly can. Max is married and recently became a father and is torn between leaving the police force or staying and becoming another casualty. When his best friend Goose (no not the one from Top Gun) is burned beyond recognition he quits the force. In an amazing coincidence his wife gets into trouble with the same road gang that took out Goose and Max is forced back into action.

Mad Max is an interesting movie. The story is bare bones and there is not really any explanation at all as to why the world is going to hell. It’s basically a western with the good guys and bad guys trading their horses for cars and motorcycles. The characters have no real depth they’re all just kind of nuts and like to drive fast and wreck things. Max and his wife are just about the only somewhat normal characters in the whole movie every other character is weird as hell.

This movie is not about the people anyway Mad Max is all about the cars and stunts. There are some seriously wacko stunts in this movie. The car chases and crashes upped the ante in a decade that was dedicated to destroying as many road vehicles as possible in almost every movie and TV show being made. Director George Miller in my opinion is second to none in filming intense chase scenes that really get the adrenaline pumping. His filming style actually brings an amazing sense of speed to the road high jinks that I have never seen done as well.

I have to admit to being a big fan of movies with a dystopian setting. There is just something so interesting to me about modern civilization in decline. Maybe it’s because I expect something like this happen in the real world any day now? I don’t care how cheesy the movie is I can enjoy it if it has a cool vision of a wasted world . Mad Max is not quite as high on the cheese meter as some end of the world movies such as Omega Man but it has its moments. It also has a lot of energy and is a lot of fun.

The good:

Mel Gibson was great as Max. I enjoyed his movies immensely before he went bonkers.

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Mel Gibson, Australian for nuts.

The cars especially the black Pursuit Special.

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Cool car but a little too colorful.

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Perfect. One of the best movie cars ever!

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Just awesome.

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Maximum Fluoride Protection has never looked so good.

The car chases and the wreckage. There is an amazing sense of speed in the chase scenes and the various crashes are awesome.

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Big truck 1, Toecutter 0

The sawed-off double barrel police side arm. Not very practical but imposing to say the least.

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The not so good:

Toecutter is not that interesting a villain in my opinion. Neither is his gang all that great.

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What is he a vampire?

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Man was I glad when these two finally shut up.

The singer that Goose is attracted to is scary.

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Olive Oil sure can belt out a tune…not a good tune but a tune nonetheless.

Random thoughts and observations:

What are the odds that Max’s wife goes to get ice cream and runs into the same gang that Max and Goose had trouble with? Small world isn’t it?

Why doesn’t anyone swerve around or brake when they’re in a car being pursued by motorcycles? I would pretend my car was a bowling ball and the bikes were pins.

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You’re in a heavy car being pursued by motorcycles. Swerve and brake and swerve and brake.

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This scene cracks me up. They attached a rocket motor to the car and sent it down the road. It went off course and raced around a field. You can clearly see no one is in the car.

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Then they attached a tow cable to it that is visible just before the car goes boom.

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Speaking of cables you can see the cable that yanks Bubba off his bike when Max shoots him.

I was so happy when they finally released the non dubbed version of this movie with the original Australian language track. I absolutely hated the dubbing and I think it made everyone sound like a complete and utter retard.

I actually saw The Road Warrior in the theater in 1981 before I even saw the first movie. The second movie is by far my favorite of the series.

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For some odd reason director George Miller loves showing eyes popping out in intense scenes. He uses this effect when both the Nightrider and Toecutter are about to kick the bucket. He used it again in Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior and the segment he directed for Twilight Zone: The Movie.

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Great idea for revenge. Better watch out or Alan Moore might steal the idea and use it in Watchmen.

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Max wanders out into the wasteland where he learns to live again. Did he forget his wife actually survived?

Movie Review – Evil Dead II

1987 Rosebud Releasing Corporation

Two Stars

Evil Dead II

What a crappy poster.

In an attempt to top the sheer genius of the original The Evil Dead Sam Raimi unleashed a potent new element into the sequel, he added slapstick humor. How grand, how wonderful , how totally stupid !

The original Evil Dead was an insane and over the top balls to the wall horror movie. It had more energy and crazy bloody scenes than in ten other horror movies combined. It was creepy, it was nasty, and it was marvelous. I remember being excited to see the sequel hoping for more of the mad intensity of the first. What I got instead was Bruce Campbell and Three Stooges Meet Tom and Jerry!

Evil Dead II begins as Ash and his girlfriend Linda head for a getaway in the middle of nowhere. They arrive at a cabin that belongs to Archaeologist Professor Raymond Knowby, they don’t rent the cabin like in the first movie they just basically break in. Soon they discover the recorded translation of the Book of the Dead and Linda is possessed and killed, then Ash is possessed but fights off the evilness except for in his hand. Soon the daughter of the man who owns the cabin shows up with two local yokels and some guy with wicked eighties hair. Meanwhile the wife of the professor has been in the cellar all this time, possessed and looking a lot like Sam Raimi’s brother Ted.

I won’t go into any more detail because I just think this movie is a big misfire. If Raimi had wanted to make a lighthearted horror movie why not come up with a new story instead of rebooting the previous film? This is just totally ridiculous. The characters are horrible, the makeup looks silly, and Ash starts devolving into the fourth Stooge.

The weird thing about this movie is when its serious it’s not bad but then some over the top slapstick nonsense gets thrown in and the movie sucks again. This is one of the most unbalanced movies I have ever seen in terms of the tone. One second it’s horror and the next it’s a slapstick comedy. Some people seem to love that but not me.

The good:

There are some very cool visuals in the beginning of the movie before the jumping of the shark commences.

The scene of the force chasing Ash to the cabin and then inside the cabin are great.

I love the ending where Ash gets sucked into the vortex and winds up in the 1300’s.

The Vortex

Ash is flushed down the toilet of time.

Ash the Savior

Ash the Savior.

The not so good:

The altered storyline. It was fine the way it was told in the original movie.

The slapstick humor featuring sped up action and stupid sound effects is really silly.

The Loony Tunes Hand II

See Ash’s hand grab his face, see it smash plates on his head, see it run into exaggerated mouse holes.

Tom and Jerry

Wow what fun.

Dead Linda

The makeup of the possessed looks too goofy this time around.

Cartoon Style

Ash

Eighties Characters II

Billy Joe and Jake are about as subtle as a jackhammer to the head.

Subtle Acting

I like Bruce Campbell but he overacts like crazy in several scenes in this movie and not in a good way. I liked his character better when he was just a normal guy and not some exaggerated wisecracking Dirty Harry ripoff.

Subtle Acting II

Ted II

Ted Raimi as Henrietta, boy can’t tell it’s Ted at all! The possessed girl in the first movie was actually scary. This isn’t.

Random thoughts and observations:

I know Sam Raimi supposedly couldn’t get the rights to use the footage from the first movie but why change everything including the tone?

When Ash is picked up by the spirit and carried through the trees he seems to go quite a distance yet when he wakes up he only a few feet from the car and the cabin.

Approximately 17:45 seconds into the movie Evil Dead II jumps the shark when Linda’s corpse pops out of the ground and starts dancing.

Corpse Dance

No comment.

Approximately 25:30 seconds into the movie Evil Dead II jumps five sharks when Ash’s hand gets taken over.

It's the Loony Tunes Hand.

Ash’s hand gets possessed by the Three Stooges.

Approximately 01:07:05 seconds into the movie Evil Dead II jumps 100 sharks when Ash becomes Super Ash.

Groovy

Sorry but the first movie was far more groovy than this one.

Doesn't Match

The stop motion creatures don’t match the full size creatures.

Goofy

Nope doesn’t match.

Freddy Glove

Freddy’s glove is hanging above the door in the tool shed…

Freddy Glove II

…and now it’s in the cellar hanging to the left of the door.

Comparison between The Evil Dead and Evil Dead II:

Despite the argument from some fans that this is a sequel it’s really not. There is a short and highly altered recap of the first movie in the beginning that consists of all new footage but that is it. If anything I would call this a reboot and not a sequel.

Changes to the story include: There are now two characters who go to the cabin initially instead of five, a different actor plays Linda, Linda is now a dancer and she is dead within six minutes, the cabin is different, the bridge they cross is very different, the book is different and is discovered upstairs not in the cellar, and Henrietta, the wife of the professor is now the possessed person in the cellar.

Movie Review – Evil Dead (2013)

2013 TriStar Pictures

Two Stars

Evil Dead 2013

The most generic film experience you will ever experience.

The trailer for this movie actually made it seem like it might be good…and then I saw the movie.

The original The Evil Dead for those not familiar with the story is about a group of friends who go to a remote cabin, find the recorded translation to the Book of the Dead, and inadvertently unleash an ancient evil that possesses them one by one. That’s pretty much the whole story. They get possessed, they go nuts, and total pandemonium ensues. It’s a simple story told in a totally insane, purely chaotic, and mad manner. It’s absolutely terrific.

For this remake for some reason they felt the need to screw around with that simple formula and add in a back story about drug addiction. The cabin in this movie also now belongs to the parents of two of the characters and they added in some garbage about a group of fine looking backwoods yokels who help destroy those possessed. Also instead of playing the translation of the Book of the Dead from a recording one of the friends inexplicably can read the ancient alphabet used in writing the book perfectly. What a stroke of luck.

Evil Dead misses the point and is a totally generic horror movie that lacks the manic energy and cleverness of the original. I’m not even sure this movie would qualify as a remake of The Evil Dead, it’s more like a remake of all the horror movies made over the last ten years. Maybe they should have called this The Ring 3 seeing as it has the girl with hair over her face who makes cracking noises as she twitches. This movie just didn’t feel like the Evil Dead at all.

The Ring

Special appearance by that straggly haired girl from the Ring.

I just don’t get the need for all these remakes (besides the greed of Hollywood). Are people unable to watch a movie that’s more than twenty years old or something? The original The Evil Dead was actually a good movie so why remake it? Is it because it has funny clothes and you can actually see what’s going on? I just don’t get it. Movie like this are why I have no faith in Hollywood anymore.

The good:

Nice to see the old car in the back of the cabin.

The cabin at least looks like the one in the original.

The makeup effects are very well done. I am glad they used practical effects.

At least it’s not in 3D.

The not so good:

The characters are all total idiots. For instance the crackhead girl grabs the car keys then runs into her bedroom and shuts the door. The others hear the car start and seem surprised. What the hell did they think she was going to do with the keys in her bedroom, the bedroom with a window that she could climb out of?

I was laughing but not because I thought it was funny. I laughed at the constant beating the characters took and shrugged off like when David gets whacked once in the forearm and several times on his body with a crow bar.

Trashed Dude

This guy probably should have died long before he actually did. He’s like the Energizer Bunny.

Barely one word into the incantation and the demon spirit (or whatever it is) is already flying through the woods. Why did it even need the remainder of the incantation? Show some patience people.

The super evil guy at the end is some scrawny bitch who crawls out of the ground. Whoopee freaking shit.

Big battle in the bathroom with tons of screaming and noise but it takes forever for anyone to come see what’s going on.

Mirror

I am so sick of the face in the mirror crap. How repetitive.

Nice lighting. Did they use 40 watt bulbs?

The scene where the girl gets dragged backwards into the cellar made me laugh, it seems like every horror movie nowadays needs one person to get dragged backwards just when they think their safe.

Nice of the inbred yokels at the beginning of the movie to leave the Book of the Dead lying around in the cabin.  They wouldn’t have wanted to bury it or hide it somewhere? That barb wire and garbage bag they tied around it really kept it safe.

I hate the scene where the crackhead kicks the workbench and the gas for the chainsaw falls right into her lap. A stupid implausible shortcut.

The cameo at the end is lame. Ash’s character devolved into a wise cracking fool who doesn’t fit the tone of this movie at all. Maybe they should have waited until the sequel comes out and adds in some out of place Three Stooges humor then Ash would fit better.

Random thoughts and observations:

I like the original Book of the Dead more than the new one.

I like the original Book of the Dead more than the new one.

Comparison

Even though I think the makeup is well done I like the makeup of the possessed better in the original.

The tree gang bang was done better in the original. Can you see a pattern emerging here?

The tree gang bang was done better in the original. Do you see a pattern here?

In the beginning of the movie the yokels burn a possessed girl to free her from whatever it is that possessed her. Where do they burn her? Safely outdoors? No of course not they tie her to a wooden support beam in the basement of the cabin and torch her there. It would’ve been funny if the cabin fell down on them.

I found the scenes where the dark force moves through the woods far more effective in the original The Evil Dead and they accomplished those scenes with the camera mounted to a two by four and carried by a person on each side.