Movie Review – Evil Dead (2013)

2013 TriStar Pictures

Two Stars

Evil Dead 2013

The most generic film experience you will ever experience.

The trailer for this movie actually made it seem like it might be good…and then I saw the movie.

The original The Evil Dead for those not familiar with the story is about a group of friends who go to a remote cabin, find the recorded translation to the Book of the Dead, and inadvertently unleash an ancient evil that possesses them one by one. That’s pretty much the whole story. They get possessed, they go nuts, and total pandemonium ensues. It’s a simple story told in a totally insane, purely chaotic, and mad manner. It’s absolutely terrific.

For this remake for some reason they felt the need to screw around with that simple formula and add in a back story about drug addiction. The cabin in this movie also now belongs to the parents of two of the characters and they added in some garbage about a group of fine looking backwoods yokels who help destroy those possessed. Also instead of playing the translation of the Book of the Dead from a recording one of the friends inexplicably can read the ancient alphabet used in writing the book perfectly. What a stroke of luck.

Evil Dead misses the point and is a totally generic horror movie that lacks the manic energy and cleverness of the original. I’m not even sure this movie would qualify as a remake of The Evil Dead, it’s more like a remake of all the horror movies made over the last ten years. Maybe they should have called this The Ring 3 seeing as it has the girl with hair over her face who makes cracking noises as she twitches. This movie just didn’t feel like the Evil Dead at all.

The Ring

Special appearance by that straggly haired girl from the Ring.

I just don’t get the need for all these remakes (besides the greed of Hollywood). Are people unable to watch a movie that’s more than twenty years old or something? The original The Evil Dead was actually a good movie so why remake it? Is it because it has funny clothes and you can actually see what’s going on? I just don’t get it. Movie like this are why I have no faith in Hollywood anymore.

The good:

Nice to see the old car in the back of the cabin.

The cabin at least looks like the one in the original.

The makeup effects are very well done. I am glad they used practical effects.

At least it’s not in 3D.

The not so good:

The characters are all total idiots. For instance the crackhead girl grabs the car keys then runs into her bedroom and shuts the door. The others hear the car start and seem surprised. What the hell did they think she was going to do with the keys in her bedroom, the bedroom with a window that she could climb out of?

I was laughing but not because I thought it was funny. I laughed at the constant beating the characters took and shrugged off like when David gets whacked once in the forearm and several times on his body with a crow bar.

Trashed Dude

This guy probably should have died long before he actually did. He’s like the Energizer Bunny.

Barely one word into the incantation and the demon spirit (or whatever it is) is already flying through the woods. Why did it even need the remainder of the incantation? Show some patience people.

The super evil guy at the end is some scrawny bitch who crawls out of the ground. Whoopee freaking shit.

Big battle in the bathroom with tons of screaming and noise but it takes forever for anyone to come see what’s going on.

Mirror

I am so sick of the face in the mirror crap. How repetitive.

Nice lighting. Did they use 40 watt bulbs?

The scene where the girl gets dragged backwards into the cellar made me laugh, it seems like every horror movie nowadays needs one person to get dragged backwards just when they think their safe.

Nice of the inbred yokels at the beginning of the movie to leave the Book of the Dead lying around in the cabin.  They wouldn’t have wanted to bury it or hide it somewhere? That barb wire and garbage bag they tied around it really kept it safe.

I hate the scene where the crackhead kicks the workbench and the gas for the chainsaw falls right into her lap. A stupid implausible shortcut.

The cameo at the end is lame. Ash’s character devolved into a wise cracking fool who doesn’t fit the tone of this movie at all. Maybe they should have waited until the sequel comes out and adds in some out of place Three Stooges humor then Ash would fit better.

Random thoughts and observations:

I like the original Book of the Dead more than the new one.

I like the original Book of the Dead more than the new one.

Comparison

Even though I think the makeup is well done I like the makeup of the possessed better in the original.

The tree gang bang was done better in the original. Can you see a pattern emerging here?

The tree gang bang was done better in the original. Do you see a pattern here?

In the beginning of the movie the yokels burn a possessed girl to free her from whatever it is that possessed her. Where do they burn her? Safely outdoors? No of course not they tie her to a wooden support beam in the basement of the cabin and torch her there. It would’ve been funny if the cabin fell down on them.

I found the scenes where the dark force moves through the woods far more effective in the original The Evil Dead and they accomplished those scenes with the camera mounted to a two by four and carried by a person on each side.

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