Movie Review – The Sword and the Sorcerer

1982 ?????????????

Two and Half Star

The Sword and the Sorcerer

Nice poster. Very lusty.

Ah nothing like a lusty epic of revenge and magic, dungeons and dragons (there are no dragons in this movie but that’s what the poster says), wizards and witches, damsels and desires, and a warrior caught between. Not to mention bad acting, cheap looking swords, bad acting, horrible dialogue, and did I mention bad acting?

The Sword and the Sorcerer tells the tale of a power hungry man who brings an ancient sorcerer back to life to help him win the throne of the city of Ehdan. After gaining the throne he betrays and supposedly kills the sorcerer by tossing him off a cliff (and unfortunately getting the stuntman killed for real). Now as anyone who has seen more than two fantasy movies can probably guess this story also features the father and mother of our intrepid hero getting murdered by the previously mentioned man who quests for power and wealth. Bet you never would have guessed that huh? That’s right young Talon, son of the deposed King and Queen, watches in horror as they are killed and we all know what that means. Revenge! Remember Wanda! Flash forward a number of years and a mysterious warrior enters the city taken over by the villainous slimy villain all those years ago. Looks like revenge time is near. Meanwhile the sorcerer who was betrayed survived and has healed his wounds and also seeks revenge! Remember Wanda! Looks like the shit’s about to hit the fan in Ehdan tonight.

Made on an obviously low budget and featuring some truly ill planned stunts there is still fun to be had. The Sword and the Sorcerer, for some odd reason and despite the fact this movie should totally suck, is strangely watchable. If you have a high tolerance for extreme cheese that is.

Released in the same year as the far superior Conan the Barbarian this movie managed to pull in about twenty times what it cost to make. Not too bad in a year filled with big budget genre competition.

The good:

It’s a fun movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously so I just enjoy it for what it is.

Its got oiled buns!

Oiled buns! Can’t hate a movie that has oiled buns!

1572401382_3

Some very effective makeup and optical effects.

1572401382_47

1572401382_18

A cool set. This is the only cool set mind you, the rest aren’t that great.

The not so good:

You can do no wrong in a guilty pleasure! Actually you can but I just ignore it!

Random thoughts and observations:

1572401382_7

Early in the movie young Talon watches from a hill as Cromwell captures and kills his father. Talon races to save his mother who is on her way to a boat to take her to safety.

1572401382_8

Talon rides a horse to save his mother…

1572401382_9

…only to find Cromwell is already there and about to kill his mother? How the hell did Cromwell get there before Talon?

1572401382_16

Talon tries to avenge his parents using the dumbest sword in movie history, an awkward looking three bladed monstrosity.

1572401382_10

This sword can shoot two of its blades.

1572401382_11

Apparently by using compressed air? Whoosh!

1572401382_12

Despite the complete lack of an entry wound…

1572401382_13

…this dude has been shot in the head with the wonder sword. Ouch! Not quite sure how Talon managed to shoot him at this angle?

1572401382_14

This brave looking fellow shoots a crossbow bolt at Talon that immediately heads for the ground.

1572401382_15

Yet he still manages to pin Talon’s hand to a tree. He might have gone far if he didn’t die a few seconds later.

1572401382_1~1

No wonder this thing didn’t fly very far!

1572401382_30

Back to the oiled buns we go! This is supposedly Kathleen Beller getting all oiled up.

1572401382_29

But it really isn’t. Seconds after her buns are oiled this shot confirms that Miss Beller wasn’t the one showing her cheeks.

1572401382_36

There is more bad acting in this scene between Goldilocks…

1572401382_34

… Captain Bad Wig…

1572401382_35

…and this scrawny dude than in twenty other bad movies combined. Gives me chills just thinking about it.

Cromwell's sword is the second dumbest sword in all of movie history.

Cromwell’s sword is the second dumbest sword in all of movie history.

1572401382_44

This fake looking guy was kind enough to pre-score his face.

1572401382_45

Making it easier to rip half of it off. What a guy.

1572401382_49

In the climatic battle between Talon and Cromwell…

You can barely make out the wires running up Talon's leg, taped to his back, and running up his arm.

You can barely make out the electrical supply wires running up Talon’s leg, taped to his back, and running up his arm.

1572401382_51

If by coming soon you mean 28 years later in a pseudo sequel made for about $3.47.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s